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“Oooh, look at me being all worried”

23 JULY. Hockenheim. Mercedes F1 boss, Toto Wolff, arrived early for the German Grand Prix today, with a longer list than usual as to why his team are really unlikely to win the German Grand Prix.

Or if they do, by some miracle manage to win it, it will be the toughest race of all time.

With the weather forecast for the weekend predicting very high temperatures, Toto saw an opportunity to get a pre-excuse in, in the vain hope that people might actually think Mercedes have a fight on their hands.

Our source close to the team told us this morning:

Toto has briefed his PR team to let the world know that he is concerned that the car will actually melt into a little silver puddle, like Robert Patrick did at the end of Terminator 2, which could make winning the race trickier than usual

He went on:

In addition to the car melting, the hot weather could bring about more insects than usual and Toto says that more than two of them hitting the front wing of the W10 could lead to serious understeer and gift the race to Ferrari or Red Bull, who he says do not suffer anywhere near as much as his team does with insect related issues

Could this wreck Mercedes 2019 title hopes? Toto thinks it may.

We asked Ferrari for a comment and were told that:

Ferrari are not interested in making excuses like this, we don’t need to use them as people know we will simply balls it up on our own anyway“.