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Posts Tagged ‘Ralf Schumacher’

Michael puts in a classic Schumacher drive, unfortunately it’s a classic Ralf Schumacher drive.

Michael puts in a classic Schumacher drive, unfortunately it’s a classic Ralf Schumacher drive.

Spectators at the Australian Grand Prix were confused today, after having seen Michael Schumacher plod around at the back of the field, stuck behind Jaime Alguersuari for half an hour, only waking up two laps from the flag for a fine sprint to… tenth place. It was only when somebody pointed out that nobody had seen Schumacher with his helmet off all weekend that the horrible truth dawned, that the driver behind the wheel of the Mercedes was in fact his brother, Ralf.

A source close to the popular but not very gifted German said; “Yes, it’s true, Ralf drove in Melbourne as a favour for Michael.” He went on, “Corinna had a load of stuff that needed doing around the house, jobs Michael had been promising to do all winter and he was really getting it in the ear, so he had to ask Ralf to help out.”

Michael is expected to be back behind the wheel for the Malaysian Grand Prix should he finish clearing the gutters and cleaning the windows in time.

The Return of Ralf

The Return of Ralf

There was unbridled joy in the Valencia paddock yesterday and amongst F1 journalists and autograph hunting fans worldwide, when the news broke that Ralf Schumacher is on the verge of returning to the grid.

Stefan GP, who seem to have done… everything else sensibly so far, seem to have had some sort of odd moment in thinking that Kazuki Nakajima and Ralf Schumacher would make a good driver pairing.

At these stage this is all just rumour but Ralf is apparently keen on a return to F1 from the DTM graveyard, having seen how well brother Michael’s comeback is going.

Just goes to show you can’t keep a good man down – or a bad one for that matter.

Ralf roasts Red Bull Racing over wrong ‘Ring win…

Ralf roasts Red Bull Racing over wrong ‘Ring win...

Former Jordan, Williams and Toyota pedaller, Ralf Schumacher, reckons that Red Bull ‘allowing’ Mark Webber to win the German Grand Prix was a mistake and that his fellow countryman, Sebastian Vettel, should have been given the victory as he is a… better bet for the title.

You can say what you like about the Germans, at least they stick together.

Ralf said in an interview with ‘Bild’ (a German newspaper, a bit like ‘The Sun’ but with more breasts) “There are no team orders at Red Bull and that is actually an error, Sebastian is the stronger driver and he should be collecting every point he can.”

Ralf Schumacher offering advice on how to win an F1 world championship?

That’ll make everybody sit up and listen…

 

Schumacher’s a diamond geezer!

Schumacher's a diamond geezer!

 

Swiss diamond company, Augensterns, are spending the next three months creating a diamond from a lock of Michael Schumachers hair. The sample from Schumacher was first incinerated to provide carbon, then cleaned to remove impurities such as remnants of shampoo, before undergoing a long process to create the gem.

The manager of Augensterns, Rinaldo Willy (no childish comments please) said, “We specialise in producing synthetic diamonds from people’s hair, we believe that if someone wants to make a personal gift, there’s nothing better than giving a piece of himself.” Creepy. Rumours that another firm are working on a lock of Ralf Schumachers hair, to produce a cubic zirconia version for a chain of discount jewellery stores, are believed to be wide of the mark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grand Prix Shorts - Monaco

Grand Prix Shorts - Monaco

Much of the entertainment – such as it was, during the Monaco Grand Prix, was provided by the BBC’s commentary team. First, Eddie Jordan proclaimed Ralf Schumacher as being the greatest race driver of all time, before Martin Brundle revealed…  that ex-Spice Girl, Gerri Halliwell, was in fact Bernie Ecclestones daughter. Then, after what was a particularly excitable performance from him, Jonathan Legard announced to the world that after the race the drinks would be on John Button at his local boozer ‘The Ship and Castle’ in Fontvieille Harbour. The rush of the impoverished and sunburned fans camped out on the hill overlooking the circuit must have resembled a big pink avalanche…

Still – at least the Beebs decision to host their Monaco show from a boat bobbing around in the harbour did not have the same disastrous consequences as ITV’s ill fated effort in 1996, when pundit Simon Taylor went greener and greener before the viewers eyes, before spending the rest of the race reacquainting himself with his lunch.  During the race itself, Nelson Piquet startled everybody by having an accident that was not his fault, after being rear ended by Toro Rosso’s Sebastien Buemi. Nelson, 23, huffily complained in a TV interview about these ‘young kids in F1’.  Pot, kettle and er..black.

 

Come back for more Monaco news on Monday…

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