14/03 Bahrain
28/03 Australia
04/04 Malaysia
18/04 China
09/05 Spain
16/05 Monaco
30/05 Turkey
13/06 Canada
27/06 Europe
11/07 Britain
25/07 Germany
01/08 Hungary
29/08 Belgium
12/09 Italy
26/09 Singapore
10/10 Japan
24/10 Korea
07/11 Brazil
14/11 Abu Dhabi
McLaren
Mercedes
Red Bull
Ferrari
Sauber
Williams
Renault
Force India
Toro Rosso
Lotus
Virgin
HRT
USF1/Stefan and 2011 Teams
With everybody from Flavio Briatore, Bernie Ecclestone, Volkswagen and those loudmouth’s from Serbia reported to be buying Campos, we can today reveal that the beleaguered Spanish team has been saved.
Again.
A consortium lead by British aristocrat Lord Lucan (pictured) who has not been since 1974 and Shergar, the missing racehorse, with financial backing from the fabled, undersea city of Atlantis promise to get the team on the Bahrain grid with a car built from kryptonite.
Debra Murphy of Class 4, St Ethel’s Junior School, Swindon, is suddenly in demand from people wanting portraits that bear no resemblance to themselves, following her recent commission to do Bernie Ecclestone’s 2009 christmas card.
Debra, 14, was chosen from a… shortlist of four very bad artists to produce the card depicting Max Mosley, BMW’s Mario Theissen and Toyota’s John Howett sailing away in a yacht. She was going to include the Bridgestone boss but could not recall his name let alone what he looked like.
The boat-load sailing away from F1 are waved off by the remaining team bosses with Bernie watching from the lifeguard station, while for some reason Flavio Briatore prepares to launch a rocket attack from a nearby rowing boat.
For good measure there are sharks circling and F1 cars racing in the distance.
We don’t know what Debra is on but we’d certainly like some of it to get Christmas going…
Disgraced Renault boss, Flavio Briatore, has not had the best of times recently, bless his silken socks, but he could soon be cheered up if he sells his apartment at One Beacon Place in New York for a profit of… $14 million. The penthouse pad has four bedrooms, a study, an exercise room, a view of Central Park and “13-foot high ceilings” which must be useful for very tall visitors.
Apparently, according to the estate agent, it also has the “most powerful master bedroom seen in years.”
Well that explains the beautiful, recently impregnated, 29 year old Wonderbra model then.
Flavio Briatore’s cunning disguise is not quite good enough, as officials spot him trying to scale the paddock fence.
Banned for the rest of his natural life (if you can call his daily existence that) from going within 10 miles of an FIA sanctioned event, Flavio Briatore has come up with an audacious plan to get back into top… flight motorsport – a race in space.
The extravagant Italian cheat, has decided to hold a Grand Prix on the Moon in 2015, with plans for other Solar System events due to be announced.
The first ever lunar race will take in such sights as The Sea of Tranquility and Neil Armstrong’s flag. Travel costs are expected to be an issue but the event is set to be one of the safest on the calendar as even Nelson Piquet jnr will struggle to cause much damage in such a vast, barren and gravity free environment.
All week, Singapore officials have been worried about the worst smog haze since 2006 descending on the city, until they realised 60 a-day man, Flavio Briatore wasn’t coming after all.
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