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Posts Tagged ‘BBC’

Eddie Jordan nominated for top award

Eddie Jordan nominated for top award

Dublin, Wednesday. Eddie Jordan is on a shortlist of three to scoop the prestigious ‘Irish Sports Personality of the Year’ award, due to be decided next weekend. According to our Ireland correspondent, Albert O’Balsam, Jordan faces stiff competition from Ipswich… Town manager, Roy Keane, who may be honoured for his dog walking skills, and legendary racehorse, Sea The Stars.

O’Balsam though thinks that the horse will win it by a nose; “Apart from being the best racehorse of the last decade, Sea The Stars is the only one of the three not to irritate the beejaysus out of anybody unfortunate enough to be listening everytime he opens his mouth.”

Rumours that the BBC are considering hiring the horse as part of its commentary team for 2010 are believed to be wide of the mark.

Jordan, Jordan and a Jordan look-alike…

Jordan, Jordan and a Jordan look-alike...

F1 fans, who were initially overjoyed when newspapers reported that ‘Jordan quits TV show’ were soon disappointed when they realised the story was not about Eddie Jordan doing the decent thing and quitting the BBC F1 team but was in fact… about a big breasted, empty headed woman leaving the jungle set of ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here!’

Maybe they should move EJ in and see how long it will be before the other celebs also bolt for the exit…

In other Eddie Jordan related news, this man, believe it or not, is a professional Eddie Jordan look-alike. John Fry, based in the Midlands, is on the books of alistlookalikes.co.uk and for a presumably small fee, he will turneddie2 up at an event of your choice and talk complete and utter rubbish for an hour or two. Mr Fry took up his career after he was mistaken for the real Eddie at a Grand Prix awards bash and you have to say that apart from the fact he is a good ten years younger, has real hair and a ginger beard the likeness is almost amazing.

 

Jake Humphrey - Iron Man

Jake Humphrey - Iron Man

BBC licence payers have reacted angrily today to the news the stations F1 anchor, Jake Humphrey, is being forced to do domestic work to pay the bills.

It is alleged that during these hard times, the BBC is only paying its… presenters while they are on air and in order to survive between now and next season’s Bahrain Grand Prix, Jake has decided to take in washing. ‘Humphrey’s Wash ‘n’ Press’ service is proving immensely popular with his more well heeled neighbours and the former childrens TV presenter is said to have enough work to see him through the winter.

Mind you, looking at what he is doing to those jeans, a bit of ironing tuition could be called for…

Olympic hero lets his country down

Olympic hero lets his country down

Three time Olympic sailing champion, Ben Ainslie, yesterday had the BBC’s professional arguer, Eddie Jordan, on his boat during day four of the Louis Vuitton trophy. Apparently, despite several tempting opportunities, he failed to push Jordan over the side.

Ainslie… is likely to be stripped of his gold medals and Buckingham Palace are expected to rescind his recently awarded CBE.

Jordan sacking rumour jams BBC switchboard

Jordan sacking rumour jams BBC switchboard

Internet rumours that the BBC are to drop Eddie Jordan at the end of the season saw callers jam the switchboard, with most people just wanting to know from what sort of height the Beeb were considering dropping Eddie from.

Brundle shocks early morning Britain

Brundle shocks early morning Britain

F1 viewers in the UK, struggling to cope with the 5am start for the Japanese Grand Prix, spluttered into their tea, when an innocent comment by Nick Heidfeld was seized upon by a naughty Martin Brundle, complete with accompanying hand… gestures.

Under fire BBC executives were just relieved that there were no children or pensioners up at that time of the morning.

Somebody else who has trouble with his ‘R’s

Not Strictly Formula One

Not Strictly Formula One

F1 fans are, for yet another year, disappointed that there is no Formula One representative in the new series of Strictly Come Dancing, which kicks off this weekend.

Despite there being a plethora of ex-drivers available, not one has been picked… leaving us with an intensely annoying cricketer, some TV presenters and a smattering of B-list soap opera stars.

However, our source at the BBC tells us that they did invite Nelson Piquet, seeing as he had some spare time on his hands, but had to turn him away from the dancefloor after they heard he planned to add an extra, illegal step into his rumba to help a competitor gain an advantage.

(Given all the legals flying around at the moment, now might be a good time to remind you that just about everything on Grand Prix Diary is made up and should not be taken seriously)

F1 teams in new conspiracy shock

F1 teams in new conspiracy shock

F1’s teams are embroiled in a new conspiracy that has been going on since the start of the season but which only came to light during the Italian Grand Prix weekend. BBC bosses have for some time, been mystified as… to why teams fire up their engines just as soon as the trio of Jake Humphrey, David Coulthard and Eddie Jordan start a piece to camera in front of a garage.

Now, a disgruntled mechanic, recently fired from a top team, has spilt the beans saying that there is a ‘gentlemans agreement’ to start the engines and rev the living daylights out of them, as soon as Eddie Jordan is spotted with a microphone in his hand. The mechanic said; “The boys have been driven to distraction by Eddie’s inane and confused ramblings and when he decided to start involving himself in technical matters we just had to stop him”

The FIA are examining a dossier on the affair but are unlikely to take any action, with one source describing it as “A bloody good idea”.

 

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