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United Arab Emirates F1

Tilke sacked, RAF to be new circuit designers

Tilke sacked, RAF to be new circuit designers

Despite spending £23 billion on the Yas Marina circuit, architect Hermann Tilke still managed to produce a track with about as much excitement as a Kimi Raikkonen after dinner speech.

Sure it had hotels that changed colour and a pit… exit that resembled an NCP multi-storey car park but let’s face it. It was completely rubbish.

However, the British Royal Air Force have once again offered to step into the breach and are to design the next generation of F1 venues for a fraction of the price.

Chief Air Marshall Sir Sandy Gates said today; “Look, it’s quite simple, we built Silverstone in 1940 for three hundred quid and it still beats the hell out of this place” He went on; “We’d rather strafe hotels than watch them change colour and if we can build something in a field that provides better racing than this nonsense of a track then you know where we are.”

Auf wiedersehen Herr Tilke…

Trick or Treat - NASCAR style

Trick or Treat - NASCAR style

Saturday October 31st. Birthday boy, Sebastien Buemi, had a good day in Abu Dhabi today but we can’t help thinking his day would have been made complete if he’d had one of these natty NASCAR Halloween outfits.

Many children worldwide… will tonight try and scare the neighbourhood pensioners, dressed as ghosts and vampires but in the USA it seems going out dressed up as a miniature Jeff Gordon or a Dale Earnhardt is the thing to do.

As they say, only in America…

USF1 press release gets everybody excited, for a (Hob)bit

USF1 press release gets everybody excited, for a (Hob)bit

There was excitement in the Abu Dhabi paddock today, when it was announced that Aragorn, King of Gondor, was to join the USF1 team. Rumours quickly circulated that Hobbit’s, Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee would be on the driving strength… with Gollum as test and reserve driver.

Sadly the press release from the Charlotte outfit actually referred to the fact that during the European season they would be based at the Aragon circuit in Spain while the team made it clear that they were not planning on employing any non-American fantasy figures in any case.

Mind you, we aren’t sure which is the bigger fantasy, old load of dwarves spending years looking for a tatty old ring they want to throw away or the fact that USF1 still reckon they will be on the grid in Bahrain come next March…

Vettel and The Beatles buy new bathroom

Vettel and The Beatles buy new bathroom

Sebastian Vettel has been invited to be the guest of honour at the opening of a new bathroom in Peterborough, after his purchase of a rare Beatles album helped the homeowner realise her dream of having the best khazi in… East Anglia.

BMW Sauber press officer, Ann Bradshaw, was convinced that her plans for her luxury bathroom had been scuppered, following BMW’s decision to pull out of F1, as possible redundancy meant that splashing out £2,600 on a bidet, bath, bog and basin set might not be a sensible idea.

However, as luck would have it, 46 years ago Ann won a signed copy of ‘With The Beatles’ which she decided to put up for auction to help save the project. Vettel, a huge fan of the Fab Four, decided he had to have it and outbid all-comers to get the album.

According to ‘The Peterborough Evening Telegraph’, Bradshaw, 60, will present the LP to Sebastian at the season finale in Abu Dhabi, with the Red Bull star due to visit the bathroom once the tiling has been finished in January.

Silverstone on standby - again

Silverstone on standby - again

Silverstone officials have declared themselves ready to host the final race of the F1 season as concerns about the readiness of the Abu Dhabi, Yas Marina circuit mount. The circuit, as our spy shot below shows, is still a building site… and as with Donington, Silverstone is ready to fill the breach.

Said a source at the BRDC; “We are well aware that last November Northampton was under a foot of snow but we think that Silverstone would easily provide as attractive a Grand Prix as Abu Dhabi – we are ready and willing”

Reports that BRDC President, Damon Hill, was seen at Towcester Garden Centre bulk-buying potted palm trees have not been confirmed.

 

abu-ferrari-world

FIA trashes Renault

FIA trashes Renault

Dubai, Thursday 9th April. Renault were shocked today, when one of their cars was badly damaged by somebody not called Nelson Piquet.

The team were in the United Arab Emirates to show off last years R28 when some bright spark thought it a good idea to let the UAE Automobile Club President Mohammed bin Sulayem, have a quick go. Bin Sulayem, who is the FIA vice president for sport, hit the loud pedal a bit too hard and stuffed the Renault into a concrete barrier. The R28, crashed in many places last year by Piquet, was soon fixed and ready for action although car lovers worldwide hope it can now just be left in peace…

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