Malaysia F1

Kimi Raikkonen has been emroiled in the current expenses scandal rocking the UK after a claim by a national newspaper.

The Daily Bugle has been through Kimi’s accounts and have discovered that he did not pay for the choc ice he ate… during the Malaysian Grand Prix. There is apparent outrage that a driver on $50 million a year should not have paid for the luxury item.

We spoke to a source at the team who confirmed that such goodies normally require paying for but as the race was still technically on, Raikkonen was entitled to have the choc ice on the team.

SPECIAL OFFER - Free choc ice with every Monza race ticket you order - choc ice may arrive in liquid form.

Malaysia, Sunday. Italian bollard manufacturers have reacted angrily to Flavio Briatore comparing Jenson Button to their product, with the inference that bollards are dull.

We spoke today to Luigi Calva, secretary of the Italian Bollard Association (IBA), who told us that the roadside posts are easily as interesting as the Brawn GP megastar.

“They may not win Grand Prix, earn millions of dollars and they don’t often date Japanese underwear models, but bollards are still really interesting and we call on Mr Briatore to retract his comments for the sake of the industry”

We put the above to the Renault press office but have yet to receive a reply.

Two races into his career with the BBC and Martin Brundle has already found out that when it’s the licence payer who pays your wages the bosses tend to closely watch the pennies.

After the Malaysian Grand Prix Brundle was surprised to find that his pay was half the usual amount.

Our source at the Beeb confirmed that the pay cut was a one off and that Martin had taken it well; “Half a race, half points, half pay - it’s only fair”

Malaysia, Friday. In order to try and avoid any further unpleasantness regarding what they do (or don’t say) over the pit to car radio, McLaren tried out a new coded system during practice today and GPD can bring you an excerpt of (might) have been said (or not):

Team: OK Lewis, you need to make sure your delta is positive over the angular green plus four. I repeat, green plus four over the angular three.

Lewis Hamilton: Er…ok, shall I pit now or next lap?

Team: Roger, Lewis. We’ll confirm and get back to you. Go to setting custard four and remember the hundreds and thousands. KERS is charged.

LH: Righto, so I’ll come in next time round only I’m getting a bit low on fuel here.

Team: Lewis, you need to allow the Toyota through. Allow the Toyota through now.

LH: What Toyota?

Team: Sorry, our mistake. Brakes are getting cold. You need to go to yellow G 5, yellow Golf 5, where X equals Y over the integer four.

LH: I’m losing power! I’m losing power – what shall I do – pull over?

Team: OK, Lewis. That’s fine. That’s fine. Hold position. Hold position. Omega quadrant three-zero applies. Setting Tango Lite. Tango Lite.

LH: That’s it, I’m getting out of the car, thanks guys.

Team: Blippety bop, Fooble-dooble.