30 May – Turkey

Red Bull engineer’s have discovered what caused the embarrassing collision between Mark Webber and Sebastian Vettel while the two were cruising to a 1-2 finish in Sunday’s race.

On board footage show’s Vettel’s car, Randy Mandy, suddenly and unexpectedly turning in… on Webbers motor, Bruce. 

At first the blame was  laid at Sebastian’s door but detailed analysis of Mandy’s telemetry shows that it is actually her time of the month and she was in a foul mood with Bruce, who like all men in such a situation, was blissfully unaware of this until Mandy ‘went off on one’.

Said a Red Bull team member, “We looked at the data on Mandy and discovered that Liverpool were playing at home and that earlier in the week Bruce had left the toilet seat up, this was simmering with her until lap 41 of the Turkish Grand Prix when she finally exploded, giving poor old Bruce both barrels.”

The team are confident that Mandy will be randy again in time for the Canadian round in two weeks time and normal service will be resumed.