28 March – Australia

Lewis Hamilton outrages Australia….again.

Lewis Hamilton’s dire weekend in Australia finished in the worst possible style in a Melbourne restaurant on Sunday night, when the hapless McLaren man announced to all present that he hated Aborigines.

The shocked waiter pointed out that speaking of native… Australians in this manner was inflammatory behaviour and more than likely to involve yet another run in with the rozzer’s but Hamilton was not to be stopped, taking one look at the menu he said; “I hate Aborigines, they make me sick.”

It was at this point that a McLaren minder stepped in and told Lewis that the word he was actually looking for was in fact aubergines.

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010
Tags: Lewis Hamilton
Posted in 28 March – Australia, McLaren-2010 | Lewis Hamilton outrages Australia….again.

Dickhead calls Hamilton a nasty name

Tim Pallas is the Minister of Roads in Victoria, Australia and he is a politician of such tact and finesse that he makes our own John Prescott look half competent. Pallas (pictured) is behind a new road safety campaign called… ‘Don’t Be a Dickhead’ aimed at stopping people from ploughing their cars into kangaroo’s while on their mobile ‘phones.

Interviewed on 3AW Radio, the Minister called Lewis ‘a dickhead’ for performing burnouts in his Mercedes road car on the eve of the Australian Grand Prix.

We’re not sure who the biggest dickhead is in this sorry tale. Hamilton, Pallas or the people of Victoria, who voted such an attention seeking, moronic man into public office.

Monday, March 29th, 2010
Tags: Australian Grand Prix, Lewis Hamilton
Posted in 28 March – Australia | Dickhead calls Hamilton a nasty name

It’s official - Castrol Oil Driver Rankings are mental.

Sebastian Vettel finished ahead Jenson Button in the Bahrain Grand Prix but it was Button who went to the top of the Castrol Driver Rankings. Now, Button wins the Australian round with Vettel out on lap 25, yet now the… German moves to the top of the leader board.

Make sense? No, thought not.

Monday, March 29th, 2010
Tags: Australian Grand Prix, Bahrain Grand Prix, Castrol Driver Rankings, Jenson Button, Sebastian Vettel
Posted in 28 March – Australia | It’s official - Castrol Oil Driver Rankings are mental.

Michael puts in a classic Schumacher drive, unfortunately it’s a classic Ralf Schumacher drive.

Spectators at the Australian Grand Prix were confused today, after having seen Michael Schumacher plod around at the back of the field, stuck behind Jaime Alguersuari for half an hour, only waking up two laps from the flag for a fine sprint to… tenth place. It was only when somebody pointed out that nobody had seen Schumacher with his helmet off all weekend that the horrible truth dawned, that the driver behind the wheel of the Mercedes was in fact his brother, Ralf.

A source close to the popular but not very gifted German said; “Yes, it’s true, Ralf drove in Melbourne as a favour for Michael.” He went on, “Corinna had a load of stuff that needed doing around the house, jobs Michael had been promising to do all winter and he was really getting it in the ear, so he had to ask Ralf to help out.”

Michael is expected to be back behind the wheel for the Malaysian Grand Prix should he finish clearing the gutters and cleaning the windows in time.

Sunday, March 28th, 2010
Tags: Michael Schumacher, Ralf Schumacher
Posted in 28 March – Australia, Mercedes-2010 | Michael puts in a classic Schumacher drive, unfortunately it’s a classic Ralf Schumacher drive.

Brundle reveals Webber’s fantasy – breakfast then ruined for millions.

As Mark Webber and Nico Rosberg battled it out on the Melbourne track, the BBC’s Martin Brundle made viewers choke on their cornflakes, as he revealed that Webber’s pet name for Rosberg was ‘Britney’, in reference to the once hot… but now not so appealing songstress, Britney Spears.

Male viewers swamped the BBC switchboard complaining that while they initially liked the thought of Britney in her schoolgirl uniform, they could not now get the image of Nico in drag out of their mind.

While co-commentator, Jonathan ‘Headmaster Delivery’ Legard was for once speechless, plainly unaware of who Britney Spears was, Brundle vainly tried to shoe in a Britney song title before realising he didn’t know one.

The joke could have worked had it been about the other Nico (Hulkenberg) who will not be asking Kamui Kobayashi to ‘Hit me baby one more time’.

Sunday, March 28th, 2010
Tags: Mark Webber, Martin Brundle, Nico Hulkenberg, Nico Rosberg
Posted in 28 March – Australia, Mercedes-2010 | Brundle reveals Webber’s fantasy – breakfast then ruined for millions.

Renault employ minder to keep an eye on Petrov.

BBC viewers were surprised to see legendary James Bond villain, Rosa Klebb, on the Melbourne grid, guarding fellow Russian, Vitaly Petrov.

Klebb, the star of ‘From Russia with Love’, was asked by a brave Martin Brundle if he could have a… chat with Vitaly in the absence of any proper drivers to interview, to which she agreed with quick flick of the head.

Colonel Klebb has been brought in by Renault to keep Petrov company on his long trips away from the Motherland. However, team staff were concerned to see her putting her poison-tipped knife shoes on after she saw her young charge carelessly bin his car in the gravel trap on lap 18

Sunday, March 28th, 2010
Tags: Martin Brundle, Renault, Vitaly Petrov
Posted in 28 March – Australia, Renault-2010 | Renault employ minder to keep an eye on Petrov.

Hamilton in trouble Down Under….again

Lewis Hamilton had his AMG Mercedes company car impounded today, after being stopped by the boys in blue for performing a burnout on a public road outside the Melbourne track.

Hamilton realised he was in trouble when he could find nobody… around from McLaren middle management to tell him how to fib his way out of things.

Lewis had no option but to confess and admit he had been driving in an “over-exuberant manner” which translates into Australian as “driving like a twat”.

Hamilton, 16, is expected to make another tearful statement at the press conference for the Malaysian Grand Prix where he will tell us he is only human and will be a stronger person after this mistake.

Friday, March 26th, 2010
Tags: Australian Grand Prix, Lewis Hamilton, McLaren-2009
Posted in 28 March – Australia | Hamilton in trouble Down Under….again

Virgin’s really don’t go all the way

Virgin Atlantic has come to the aid of its F1 team with a solution to their fuel tank problem. Despite knocking together such a complex thing as an F1 car, Nick Wirth failed to make sure that he could get… enough unleaded in it to get all the way around Spa.

Mind you, they probably wouldn’t make it all the way round anyway but that’s not the point.

Now, engineers at Virgin Atlantic have come up with an idea to use some of their aviation know-how by putting extra large wings on the car and filling them with fuel.

The extra drag is expected to add around 30 seconds per lap which is not good but still enough to outqualify both HRT cars. Alternatively, they could try this…

Friday, March 26th, 2010
Tags: HRT, Virgin Racing
Posted in 28 March – Australia | Virgin’s really don’t go all the way

28 March – Australia

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