EXCLUSIVE – ‘two tier’ F1 solution reached?

With the news that Ferrari have failed to secure an injunction against the proposed new rules for 2010, we can exclusively reveal that sources close to the team are near to thrashing out a solution that will see them on… the grid next season.  After the Scuderia went through the list of potential entrants for 2010, with the air of a man who has just trodden, barefoot, in something the dog left behind, they suggested that the new teams should be part of a ‘Formula GP3 Championship’. However, there is still hope for peace, as a leaked document reveals a proposal that may keep the rich teams happy and the riff-raff in their place:

• Qualifying: The rich teams do not need to qualify, simply being allocated grid positions according to the size of their bank balance.
• The race: The rich teams will start first with the poor ones only being allowed to start as the rich boys exit the final turn, giving them a head of speed into turn one. At this point blue flags are to be waved furiously at the poorer drivers.
• Pit-stops: Poorer drivers must get out and change their own tyres.
• Paddock etiquette: Any poor driver caught looking at a rich driver’s girlfriend and/or wife, will be slapped around the face with a Sparco glove and challenged to a duel at dawn. The rich guy gets two shots.
• The Podium: Rich drivers will be given chilled Mumm Champagne, the poor ones, who would not notice the difference anyway, get warm Asti Spumante.
• Points: If a team was not in F1 prior to 1960, it will not be allowed to score points.
• Breaking the Rules: If up before the stewards, rich drivers can settle the matter over a gin and tonic in the clubhouse. Poor drivers will be put in the stocks and will have canapés thrown at them.

The proposals are set to be voted on at a FOTA meeting during the Monaco Grand Prix weekend to which the poorer teams are not invited..

Tags: Ferrari, FOTA

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